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Judging Justice

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January 12, 2016

We don’t have to speak. We don’t even have to share in each other’s company again. Just listen. Breathe. Don’t grieve. And listen to understand – not to defend.

Between us, exists a painful truth that we’ve refused to fully acknowledge. We’re in love, but we will never be together. Not by choice nor desire – but because it is what the universe has planned for both of us. We need to start recognizing the reality of our situation – you have never been presented with a choice. This has been a constant battle between me and the people you love. But what choice do you really have when I cannot truly be the one that you choose?

My love for you is overwhelmingly overpowering. You gave me strength to retract myself from a situation that drowned me in unhappiness. You reminded me how incredible it feels to love and to be loved with such an immense passion. There hasn’t been a day that has gone by where I haven’t thought about how you came into my life and reignited my spirit. I remember now what it feels like to have my soul uplifted, to have a nervous excitement shoot through my body. You have the kindest heart – and I’m in love with everything that you are. I have seen you when you strive and when you are vulnerable – with every new thing I learn about you, I love you more. You have cleared my vision and allowed me to finally see, with perfect clarity, who you are. The moment I knew that I loved you was the moment that our souls stopped existing as separate entities and blended to bring us closer together. You make everything easier – I loved you without being forced to and without feeling like I had to. For now, I can’t fall in love again, be with anyone else, because I know that no new love will come close to the way I feel about you.

These are the reasons that make leaving you that much harder. But we both know that this is the only choice there is. You can’t choose me – and more than that, you won’t. I’ll admit that it hurts me, tears me up, and has left me feeling completely shattered – but if you were to lose anything because of me, and forced to endure any pain, that would hurt me more. I want you to feel compassion, always. I want your dreams to play out in the exact way that you may hope them to. I want you to feel love, always. I want you to strive, with persisting happiness by your side and allow your already kind heart to flourish. You are everything that I want, everything I feel I need – and maybe someday, our paths will finally align and the universe will create a space in which we can be together. Maybe one day, there won’t be a need to choose between me and something or someone else – maybe your love for me will grow so strong, that I’ll be enough and everything that you want.

You don’t have to see me again, or even speak to me. Just know, that this has been incredibly hard for me to do – but you have asked me countless times to stop fighting you, and to stop making this more difficult than it already is. So now, I’ve done what you’ve needed – what you’ve wanted. Anything for my electric love.

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